On Morning Rituals

So. Here’s the (as my sister in law would call it, “First World Problem”) of my week. McDonald’s Smoothie machine is down. (Everyone go: Awwww….). McDonald’s makes a relatively-close-to fat-free mango-pineapple smoothie that has, for about two months, succeeded in getting me out of my house and into the library to work. This, for a socio-phobe, is a Huge Thing. Well. I’ve also moved from MY coffee (VT Coffee Roasters Vanilla Bean, thank you very much) to McDonald’s coffee.

Because McDonalds’ smoothie machine is down, I’ve had no impetus to get my (an author friend of mine dubbed it…) “Author’s Bubble Butt” out of my house all week, a habit that I dropped into with the cold I had last week. Well, apparently, MY coffee must be “High-test, High-octane,” or the like, because I have been bouncing of the WALLS, with those creepy skipped beats that one gets occasionally-now-and-then-that-make-you-put-your-hand-on-your-chest-and-looked-freaked-out-for-a-second-until-they-pass… but – A LOT. Only, here’s the thing: I was on this coffee all summer long – so maybe Vermont Water + Vermont Green Mountain Coffee = Vermont Cardiac Arrhythmia? Perhaps I should be taking Vermont Coffee Cardiac Medications. I don’t know, but in any case…

Yesterday, in high anticipation, I went back to McDonald’s, because they were supposed to “be getting a new part in.” I drove through the drive-thru, all excited to be back on my regular routine, and ordered, “One burrito, one large mango smoothie, and one large coffee, please!” in a very cheery and “boy, I’m so excited to be alive and in Vermont!” sort of voice.

And a very dull and inappropriately unapologetic voice came back saying, “I’m sorry, our smoothie machine is down at the moment.”

I just about threw my old coffee cup at the speaker.

But I didn’t. Instead, I whined. I said, “But… but… you said you were getting a new part in on Monday!”



“I don’t know what happened. Can I get you anything else?”

My dad used to make this face. It was awesome. Anyone who ever met my dad knows the face I mean – it was sort of like an English bulldog about to tear your leg off, all crumpled up and jowly. I made that face – at the speaker. But it didn’t produce my mango smoothie. All it did was make me look silly.

In the end, I ended up going to Dunkin Donuts and buying their Strawberry something or other, which was far too sweet, vile, and awful. I’m sure many people enjoy it, but I wanted my mango smoothie. I drank it anyway. I complained loudly to the librarians; they commiserated appropriately, and my day went on.

And today, I’m at home, working on my laptop, and drinking my high-test, which TASTES AWESOME – and will probably have me in the Cardiac ICU by Sunday.

So if anyone wants to call McDonald’s on my behalf, I’d be more than happy to bail you out of jail for it. 🙂